MENTAL HEALTH from the perspective of a 20-year-old- PART 2
I was supposed to finish writing this blog by 22nd of June but currently, I am writing this on 29th June at 15:45. There is a multitude of reasons for that:
1. I am a lazy person who procrastinates everything in life. I will be late to my own funeral, that’s how bad it is now. Sigh.
2. I had some other stuff going on; I got a haircut, hunted for apartments, tried looking for research grants and watched many sunsets.
3. This one is the most relevant- I was having random panic attacks and my mental health was a joke and I could not bring myself to think or write about anything.
The third reason is exactly why Rahul and I decided to write about mental health separately. We have very different experiences with mental health. As he rightly said in our introduction post, between the two of us, he is the more calm, level-headed person. I, on the other hand, am a general mess. I struggle at coping with stress and anxiety sometimes, but I have gotten better at it with help, love and support. Unfortunately, the same can’t be said for a lot of people.
Every human being has good and bad days. Days when you feel like you’re on top of the world and days when you go to sleep on top of a pile of laundry on your bed. Sometimes, the good and bad times are blurred. We wake up all fresh and happy and one tiny trigger puts us in a slump for the rest of the day/week. On some other days, it’s the opposite. But, if the bad days and the feeling of emptiness are prolonged, you might want to take some action. To get a clearer picture of your situation, I would recommend assessing your mental state over the past 2–4 weeks. There are many online quizzes by competent health agencies you could refer to. I have included a few below, but always keep in mind, this is only to help you understand the scenario. It does not, in any way, replace professional help, so refrain from any self-diagnosis and try to get help from experts.
The first step in solving any issue is recognizing and addressing it. Most of us are shamed into denying any real problems we might be having. Be it the social stigma regarding mental health issues or your friends’ accusing you of faking it all for attention. Sometimes the resistance is internal. We are conditioned to think that if we have a good materialistic and family life, we have no reason to be anxious or depressed. But environmental factors are just one of the many causes of depression. Depression is a complex disorder affecting millions of chemicals in your brain and the imbalance is due to dynamic interactions of multiple factors. The point is: Your feelings are valid even if you have a “good” life and you should not ignore them!
Once you are no longer in denial, the next logical step to take is to look for help. This is a very tricky step. First, you need to understand what you’re feeling. And for the love of God, in my 20 years of existence, not once have I been able to figure out what I am feeling or why I am feeling the way I am. Is it because my EQ is close to 0? Maybe, but it’s a long and painfully frustrating experience. You have to be vulnerable and honest with yourself and reach into emotions you didn’t know you were able to feel or even existed. (Again, this might just be me and my emotional unavailability but moving on.) However, even if you don’t completely understand what you’re going through, talking to a loved one, someone you trust or a mental health professional might help you big time. So the next complicated step is to find that someone you can talk to.
There are a lot of negative forces trying to silence your real cry for help. The situation is horrible- imagine having to fight social stigma when there is already an ongoing internal battle. It can be very tiring. No. It is very tiring and unfair. There will be times when you might have to fight the voice in your head constantly telling you, “End it all! It’s not worth it. You’re not worth it. Just leave this world behind. No one will even notice. No one will care”, while also fighting the society to get the help you deserve. Even if giving up might be tempting, it is never the right thing to do. You are not only leaving behind a gap in this world that can never be filled but mainly, you are depriving yourself of uniquely beautiful experiences that will be fulfilling and enriching. My go-to thought when I feel like giving up is to think of the Northern Lights, and how beautiful they are. Find yourself a happy place that you can visit and be at peace when life feels too overwhelming.
For a long time, I was silent about my struggles because I didn’t want to be judged or exposed. But after a point, I realised that they are nothing to be ashamed of and they can only be destructive secrets if I give them that power. So I started opening-up; to my parents, my friends and now I’m comfortable to talk about my struggles on an online platform for hundreds of people to read. It will be embarrassing and uncomfortable but eventually, it gets better, little by little. The goal is to not stop trying. When it gets tiring, take a break. Leave everything behind for some time and just focus on getting the reigns back in control using healthy mechanisms. But then, try again. Open up about your feelings and be receptive to help. It can be hard. People sometimes say the wrong things and aren’t all that helpful. If your immediate environment is toxic, there are numerous online communities and resources ready to help. Don’t lose hope. Keep trying to find healthy coping mechanisms and techniques that work for you because you are your biggest champion and cheerleader. You can’t give up on yourself, especially when you feel like the world has given up on you.
I think it’s also important that we try and be the person who listens to others who’re struggling. This is equally tricky. Most often, we try and comfort others the way we want to be comforted. We try to give others what we craved when we were low. But understanding that every individual is different and what worked for you might not be what they are looking for is very crucial. This is a lesson I, unfortunately, learned too late. This is a mistake that I still make unconsciously. Obviously, when we are trying to help someone, we have the best intentions. However, our actions and intentions may not match and we might screw up but that’s okay as long as we are willing to learn and understand our shortcomings and work to be a better friend.
The process of understanding a human being is near to impossible. We are all different individuals with complex thoughts, emotions and perspective. But, in our battle against mental health, we need to be kind and compassionate, towards ourselves and others. Care about people enough to check up on them, even that class clown who always seems happy. Respect others’ boundaries and try to realise that everyone is fighting their own demons. And if you are going through a tough time, I implore you to get help. You aren’t the only one feeling the way you are. You aren’t alone in this fight.
It doesn’t matter who you are, what your background is, depression is real and can affect anyone. In the face of all this negativity, I can only leave one message for all our readers: Be kind. Be empathetic. Be a good listener. Spread joy, love and positivity whenever and wherever you can.
Much love,
Shreya❤
