Relationships.
Recently, I have been talking about relationships a lot. A few of my friends have come to me to discuss their ongoing or past relationships, I have talked about my struggles with relationships to people and a few hours ago I was talking to my mom about relationships. The last conversation with my mom is what inspired me to write this post.
My mom and I obviously have an age difference and a generation gap as a result. Thus our views about relationships are wildly different, and yet eerily similar. I live in a world of casual dating, friends with benefits, some people who are in a deeply committed relationship at a very young age and some others who are perpetually single. My mom, on the other hand, has never dated anyone and like the good Indian daughter she is, got into an arranged marriage when she was 24. She has been happily married for 23 years now. I grew up seeing a happy couple. I saw my parents adjust and get through life together.
Despite coming from a healthy background, my views on relationships vary quite drastically. I change from “Monogamy is a scam” to “I wanna marry a guy, settle down, have kids and cook for them” every 3–4 days. I know that my views are bound to change as I grow. I have experienced that. A few years ago, the idea of marriage truly repulsed me. But now I have come to respect and understand that institution and am not completely opposed to the idea. It’s kinda cute and the food is a big plus point as I see it.
As a 20-year-old with an unhealthy obsession/attachment to my career, personally, a stable relationship seems a bit too far-fetched. (I am married to the game, as the kids say. In this case, the game is biotechnology.) I also believe that at this age I shouldn't be seeking a stable relationship. I am young, dumb and broke. It’s the perfect time for me to invest in myself as a person, achieve some sort of financial independence by working towards getting a job, meet new people and experience cool things. Love can wait. However, if I meet someone and things develop organically, I am not stupid enough to question and sabotage it. (That is a lie. I am stupid enough to sabotage things. I have done that and I will proudly do it again).
Don’t get me wrong, I do crave attention and cuddles sometimes. Especially in the summer when all the couples are out and about being in love. (FFS, stop it!) But I would rather be single than be in a relationship because the thought of being single cripples me. I recommend you all watch the Netflix special Jigsaw by Daniel Sloss. He explains how we change ourself and fall in love with the potential of a person rather than who they are. He perfectly outlines our decisions to stay in an unhappy relationship because of our insecurities.
However, my mom doesn’t agree with all the points I have made. She rightly pointed out that these opinions will change as I age and I will understand the need to adjust in relationships. Maybe she’s right. Maybe I will be okay with changing my ways for someone else. Maybe I will learn to adjust and ignore/accept the negative parts of someone I love. Or maybe it’s all a lie I tell myself so that I won’t feel lonely. Maybe my insecurities will drive me to change myself into someone I no longer recognise. Or maybe, just maybe, I too will have a fulfilling life filled with love, like my parents and many other lucky couples.
Whatever the outcome might be, right now, I just need to focus on getting the material parts of my life in order. Simultaneously, I have to work towards accepting and learning to love myself. I need to take that emotional journey to understand myself so that if and when I do get into a relationship, I know what I am offering and I know what to expect.
So in conclusion, MONOGAMY IS A SCAM!!!
— With much trust issues,
Shreya ❤
