Where were we?

Hey everyone.
It's been a while since Rahul and I have posted anything on here. Rahul calls it our season break. Honestly, if we were a series with season break, the network would have cancelled us after the second episode because of low viewership. But since the network executives are two dumb 21-year-olds who don't know any better, we are gonna keep the show running and now it's everybody's problem.

So why did we take a break? Well, laziness, procrastination and general disregard for responsibilities are all valid answers. However, the main reason is that both Rahul and I have been too busy to write or even think of something to write. Rahul developed a whole ass game in this time, can you believe that? For someone like me, who calls 8 different people if my laptop is too slow to start, this is an amazingly big deal. It takes time, effort, patience and mainly coding; something I am terrifyingly bad at. To be honest, I didn't even try to learn it properly. I took one hard look at the screen and decided that I would rather die than learn whatever abomination that was. I don't mean to diss software engineers (although there are a few I'd be happy to punch in between their bespectacled eyes). It's just that I think it's so hard, I didn't even want to try. I know that's bad but I like being ignorant, what are you gonna do about it?
Coming back to Rahul designing a game, how cool is that?!? I'm pretty sure he did a lot more too, but this is the only one I got to see and I've been a pretty shitty friend these past weeks and really not checked in on how or what my friends were doing.

So coming to that, me, I have been kind of busy, but most severely unmotivated and gloomy. I'm going to blame the Madrid weather that is getting progressively colder. The sun is out but since it's cold outside, I don't like going out. That's the problem with living in a room with no windows or ventilation, I guess. But all is well that ends well, they say. How much of us writing again falls under "ends well" is a topic that shall never be discussed. I am not very surprised by my lack of motivation to write, to be completely honest. My commitment issues won't let me stick to something/ someone that makes me happy for more than 3 months at best. Who knew having crippling commitment issues will help me explain my general tardiness in life, but will you look at that? I just did.

But taking this break was necessary for us. Not just because other things in life were more pressing and it is justified to shuffle your priorities to match your reality at the present, but also because taking a break helps you reset. We started this blog as a creative outlet. Someplace to write and express ourselves so we could get our creative juices flowing. A safe space to rant or talk about topics we often put aside to get back to things we are supposed to be doing. In many ways, this blog was our break from "life". However, towards the end of our supposed "first season", the blog also ended up being a responsibility. Not a fun, safe place but another thing in our to-do list. That deterred from the initial goal and the entire purpose of our blog. Sticking to a schedule, trying hard to publish something, even if we knew it wasn't our best work, even if it wasn't something we were passionate about, we still wrote just to keep the periodicity going. That's when I started missing the joy of writing.

A few weeks ago, I woke up and wrote the following:
"God knows what anyone means when they say things. You see, all words are made up. Just a random assortment of jumbled letters and phonetic sounds that we give meaning to. But what happens when the same word means different things to the speaker and the listener. How do you then convince each other about your perspective? How do you even communicate? In such times, when words fail us when thousands of years of established societal norms are not efficient enough, we go back to nature. We do what animals do. We let our bodies speak. We let our actions scream our intentions. Be it a cold shoulder or a long hug, be it a scornful face or lips adorned with a smile that connects heaven to earth, we are designed in a way to let out more about ourselves than we initially intended. But finding someone who can read your invisible signs even when you're unaware is the century's greatest challenge. And so cherish the people who read your little signs- friends, family and lovers that understand you even when the most basic form of communication ceases to exist."
This came to me when I had just woken up and read a message from a friend. A few days later, when I was talking to my roommate, I read out the message for her and she was really supportive. That felt nice, to have someone validate your work. But then, in the evening, I reread it, and I felt happy and proud too. For someone who writes more colloquially, that was new and more emotional for me. It suddenly hit me then, the joy I derive from writing is unmatched when it is natural and easy. Writing that was challenging too, but it felt more comfortable because there was something honest and raw about it. It was an amalgamation of several feelings that many people have made me feel and in the process of writing and editing that paragraph, I was able to connect with myself through my shared experiences with others. For me, that is the essence of writing.

So all this rambling to say that we, I at least, will not be following any kind of schedule for this blog. Posts will be random and sporadic, just like the natural urge to write. There may be 3 in a week and then silence for the next month, or maybe I'll publish one every week like we usually did. It is in the best interest of the authors and the readers to exercise some flexibility into the routine so that we can deliver our finest work. We thank you for your understanding and patience. But mostly, for love and support.

With much writer's block
Shreya.